i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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