she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
