before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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