But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
