i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize