Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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