dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
