This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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