There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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