proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
