so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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