I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
