I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
