it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we're making bets on your personal life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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