I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
