He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
