The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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