It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
