You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
