sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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