Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
