Will you blow on my dice?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
