dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
