I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
