I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
