Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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