I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Randomize
