You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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