she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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