My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
