shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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