WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
