I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
