Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
