WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
