Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
