What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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