So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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