The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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