You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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