Me too!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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