I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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