you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
