Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize