____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
