are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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