Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
they need to just BURY HIM!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
