oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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