Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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