I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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