ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
