I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
