I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
