Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
