Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
