If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
