miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
